Good love, measured by material and spiritual wealth

If You Recognize Yourself in Time

A good relationship can be judged along two dimensions: material and emotional.

Top tier: Both material well-being and emotional needs are fulfilled. Your financial situation improves after being together, and your partner genuinely likes and respects you. That’s about as perfect as it gets — are you that lucky?

Next best: One dimension improves while the other stays the same. Maybe your material circumstances get better, but your partner is so busy they can’t spend time with you; life ends up similar to being single, though you have your own career and hobbies and feel independent. Or maybe nothing changes materially — your partner earns about the same as you — but they love you deeply, and the romance is sweet. That’s not bad either. You can’t have everything, so knowing what to let go of is enough.

Middle tier: Neither dimension changes. Life doesn’t get materially richer, and the romance isn’t particularly thrilling. Instead, you’re companions facing life side by side — sharing risks, dividing responsibilities, raising children, and caring for aging parents. Practical efficiency goes up. This is probably how most real-world relationships look. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a decent life, at worst — certainly not terrible.

Bottom tier: One dimension stays flat while the other drags you down — or both do. After getting together, your financial situation doesn’t improve, and your partner looks down on you, complains about you, or betrays you. Life becomes unhappy and painful. Or perhaps there’s no romance at all, and things get worse financially. There’s an even more frightening version: someone who can’t offer love and also takes away your security. Sorry, if you’re in that kind of relationship, cut your losses immediately — preferably before it even starts.

As long as you don’t end up at the bottom, you’re doing fine.