Why Is Finding a Partner So Hard?

Time to revisit expected value and probability.

How math probability works:

Probability of meeting condition one = X
Probability of meeting condition two = Y
Probability of meeting condition three = Z

Then the probability of meeting all your conditions = X × Y × Z × …

In other words, whether you're dating or going on arranged blind dates, finding someone who ticks all your boxes is usually a one-in-ten-thousand shot, or even one in a million or tens of millions. If you find them, treasure them; if you don't, remind yourself you're aiming for a million-dollar pick anyway, and it won't hurt so much.

And once they meet your one-in-ten-thousand standard, do you meet theirs?

Take this example:

Rich (financial foundation), say 1%
Free (has time to spend with you), say 5%
Tasteful (interesting, not dull), say 2%
Never married, say 30%
Of marrying age with no boyfriend (or girlfriend), say 30%

Multiply those numbers out. You'll see that (rich, free, tasteful) already drops below one in a million. Then add your own standards, and you're looking at one in a billion.

See, those guys who seem better than you and are still single at an older age? They're waiting to marry the chairman's daughter (or, for guys, the rich CEO's son).

Even if that doesn't work out, just flip the script: if you were them—making more money than you—why would they marry a sweet, obedient, good-looking girl who always caters to them instead of having to pander to you?

Do you understand the hand you're holding now?

You think you've got a great hand and you're one card away from winning—but so do they. They have what you have, and what they need to win, you don't.

Meanwhile, the guys who truly value your ability and your worth—you refuse to settle for them. (Flip the genders and the logic holds just the same.)

That's the real crux of the problem. #ReadingNotes#