A person typically has two needs: face and substance.

Face is reflected in his desire to be right and to be acknowledged.

The lining reflects what he genuinely wants deep down—things that may not be easy to voice—so you need to propose it for him. When you take his lining into full consideration while also preserving his face, only then will he let himself be persuaded, or pretend to be persuaded. Because in truth, no one can truly be persuaded by another; you are merely catering to him.

What we call “persuading someone” really means you have to secretly weave your own agenda into the conversation. You can’t just come out and tell them bluntly that you’re up to no good.

People can only be enlightened by themselves; they can only come to realize what they were already meant to understand. There’s no such thing as being persuaded by someone else.

Respect human nature, respect self-interest.

Respecting human nature means affirming the other person and providing emotional value. Respecting self-interest means first figuring out what they actually want, rather than just listening to what they say.

What matters isn’t what you said, but the impression you gave—did you seem like you were on their side? Were you speaking for them? If you appear to side with the crowd, people will think well of you, you’ll gain traffic and followers, and you’ll become a big shot.

The opening of *Shuo Nan* (Difficulties of Persuasion) plainly states:

If the other person values reputation, but you try to persuade them with profit, they will dismiss you as unprincipled and refuse to listen;

If they value profit, but you try to persuade them with reputation, they will see you as out of touch with reality and refuse to listen;

If they publicly claim to value reputation while privately valuing profit, and you persuade them with reputation, they will outwardly accept but inwardly exclude you from their inner circle; if you persuade them with profit, they may outwardly distance themselves but inwardly will accept it.