Respect is earned

Whenever humans are involved, you can’t escape the need to respect human nature and interests — because respecting human nature is respecting interests.

I thought my leader’s decision was wrong, so I should’ve spoken up publicly. Wrong is wrong, after all. If someone’s giving careless instructions, that’s careless instruction. It’s clearly right that I should’ve been recognized for this, so why didn’t my leader promote me? Instead, I was sidelined and left in the cold.

The answer is simple: because the leader is a person.

If I had publicly told the truth, known that his instructions were flawed, but still showed support and upheld his authority, you might call it sycophancy.

But privately, one-on-one with my leader, expressing my concerns, laying out clearly what risks would arise if his plan went forward — many of which he himself would bear — he would actually listen.

Why? Because publicly, I respected his dignity. Privately, I respected his interests.

What does a leader need in public? An honorable way out.

You tear down his support and let everyone question his competence. I give him a way forward so he can continue leading everyone later. What does a leader need in private? A detailed plan. You spell out the cost-benefit analysis for him.

I laid it out clearly: if you proceed this way, the risks you bear personally outweigh the gains from your promotion or raise. Then what are you trying to achieve?

Humans are creatures who, when too close, become disrespectful; when kept at a distance, grow resentful.

When others are working, you stand with your hands on your hips supervising from afar — that’s keeping distance, and those below will resent you. But if I not only work alongside everyone but also joke around and criticize the boss, wouldn’t that work best? No. They won’t take you seriously at all. So look at any leader: they maintain professional smiles. Those smiles draw people in; not laughing openly keeps your emotions hidden.

Then, when the leader occasionally frowns, subordinates know he’s unhappy. The perceptive ones will lead by correcting their own behavior, others follow, and the flock continues moving under the lead sheep.

If you want to climb upward, you’ll eventually look exactly like this.

Only when you’re wealthy can you afford to be任性 (willful); when you have no money, you just accept your fate.