Life Issues Part 1

The Situation:

A social media account was hacked and used to scam close acquaintances out of nearly a thousand dollars.

The people who lent money are now asking to be repaid, and you're wrestling with whether you should pay them back. Your family doesn't think you should.

The Answer:

Let's start by revisiting two earlier pieces about managing expectations:

One

If you're sometimes great and sometimes terrible, what do you call that? Unreliable. Failing to give others a consistent expectation means you'll miss out on plenty of opportunities.
Unpredictable equals risky.

Two

Managing expectations means constantly thinking from others' perspectives about how they'll interpret your actions—that's real empathy.

1. Figure out what you want.
2. Figure out what they want.
3. Figure out how you can fulfill their wants in exchange for what you need.

Now, to the main point:

First, consider what kind of implicit expectations you're creating for these people who lent you money:

Is this person reliable? Was the scam real or fake? Will I dare to help this person again in the future?

So, what impression do you want to leave them with?

Digging deeper and getting pragmatic—will you need these people again down the line? For loans, favors, or other help—will there be opportunities to call on them?

Think further: others will hear about your character from these people. What do you think they'll say about you to others?

Calculate the invisible gains and losses.

If it were my child:

I'd definitely give them the money to pay it back, and tell them, "This is a loan I'm giving you."

A few hundred dollars might seem like a lot to a student, but it can absolutely be paid back slowly by keeping track of the debt.

You need to think about how to handle this in a way that builds a stronger, more positive implicit image.

Post on WeChat Moments, make it clear, and take responsibility.

Then, remember to reach out to these people every week or month—find topics to keep the conversation going and nurture the relationship.

People willing to lend a hand when you're in trouble deserve far more friendship than most of the people you currently consider friends.

A little financial loss in exchange for identifying people truly worth befriending should make you happy, not feel like a loss.

You need to understand: you live your life under your own name, not your parents'. Your reputation among your peers matters far more in the decades ahead than anything your parents think.